About a week ago I started up a used copy of Pokemon Pearl I found at the local games store. Every time I buy a used Pokemon game an insane case of curiosity comes over me, concerning how badass the last person to own it was. How full was his Pokedex? How awesome was his team? What levels?? How many hours did this guy sink into this heaven sent game? Sometimes you can find the coolest things (the player was standing in front of the rarest ‘mon in the game for example, or perhaps he had a Shiny with him)…but unfortunately this time the player before me sucked. Or maybe she was just busy with life. Either way, her badassery was just pushing a ‘mild’ in my books.
Anyway! On with the story! After deleting her efforts, I started up a new game. I chose the grass type starter this time, a Pokemon called Turtwig. Turtwig is a turtle with a twig on his head. So suddenly I’m hurtling through Sinnoh with a green turtle perched on my shoulder and a massive smile planted on my face. I imagine. I’m chucking my turtle at every foe, absorbing their health and taking it for my own. Evil shit. With Ozza (I used to call all my starters Ozza when I was young, so naming Turtwig Ozza was a form of clever backwards-foreshadowing) by my side, I felt invincible. Until I realised that perhaps Ozza the Destroyer needed a matey. Someone to crush the enemy with. So, with my eyes peeled for a second member for my team, I continued on with my quest.
I kept on bumping into Shinxs, Bidoofs, and Starlys. While Shinx is insanely cool (its a lil Electric lion cub), I had used it and its evolutions in my first playthrough of this game a few years back. While I hardly remember that journey, I am certain I want to try out a new combination of fellow asskickers this time around. That means Shinx and Starly won’t make the cut.
All of a sudden I wake up from my daydreamings to find myself wandering through a patch of delishesly green grass. The screen flashes and a wild Pokemon bumps into my leg. I look down and see a yellow Psychic Pokemon sorta resembling a cross between a fox, a rat and a Human toddler. It’s an Abra! The last time I caught an Abra was in Pokemon Red, and back then its sprite wasn’t the prettiest, in fact it could probably give a kid nightmares. I hadn’t used it back then so I decided to give it a crack! Despite somehow never training one up, I know that Abra (and its evolutions Kadabra and Alakazam) are very cool and quite powerful. And to have one pop up so early in the game was pretty darn awesome!
So now I’m face to face (I crouched down and got all up in his mojo) with a Lvl 5 wild Abra. The annoying thing about catching an Abra is that they only know one move. Teleport. As soon as they use that they turn on their little heels and disappear to their local ice cream joint. This means that I have one chance to throw a PokeBall at the bastard, and if that fails then it will high-tail it out of there. With a 73.9% chance that the ball won’t capture it, I have my fingers crossed.
The PokeBall doesn’t work and it Teleports away.
After a few punches to the pillow next to me, I went onwards in my search for an Abra. Abra after Abra came and went, until after a solid 45 minutes (my Creative Writing Assignment isn’t as important as it might sound) a Lvl 4 Abra tapped me on the knee and asked me to ‘come at her’. So I did, and with a perfect arc, my PokeBall collected her on the head and ensared her. One wobble. Two wobbles. Three wobbles. And I had finally caught the damn Pokemon!
With supreme confidence I named her Kierkegaard, and now Ozza the Murderous Turtle-Beast has a friend and a philosopher to play with.
Ozza the Life-Absorbing Destructive Turtle Machine
Kierkegaard the Abra
Hmmm, I wonder if Abra’s ever open their eyes or stand up? They always seem to be taking a kip.